I remember hearing that phones give you cancer. It was the best news I had ever received, as it gave me a valid excuse to never answer my phone again.
My resolve to avoid my phone seemed to work. Until I went to work.
Today at work I was told if I wanted to keep my job, I had to take a call. The woman on the other end clearly didn’t share my aversion to phones; I was caught up on the news of her grandkids, stories of the flowers on her back deck, and memories of taking her children camping. (Did I mention that I’ve never met this woman I now know more about than I do my own grandma?)
My consolation prize for this tumor-cell-growing-lengthed conversation? It was the first time I can remember ever hearing the word “befuddled” casually thrown into a complete sentence.
I spent the rest of my day thinking about a few other things that have recently left me befuddled (aside from the contextually correct usage of the word befuddled).
- This guy. Talk about befuddling. I may have moved past the combined sweat pants and shiny dress shoes with little more than an eye roll, but then I see he’s sporting an arm-band tattoo that reads, “Chiseled”. In the brilliant words of Cordelia Chase, “What’s more classy than that? Besides everything ever.”
- I have a friend from Wisconsin who is vegan. If that statement didn’t leave you befuddled, reread it. Actually, I’ll repeat it so you don’t lose your place reading. I have a friend (not the befuddling part)…FROM WISCONSIN…who is VEGAN. How does a product of the Dairyland not partake in dairy??
- While we’re on the topic of Wisconsin. Spotted. In Wisconsin. This street sign. (Seriously, Wisconsin. I worry for you.)
- Does Coke actually think we are convinced that the Olympic athletes pollute their lifelong achievement of obtaining godlike temples with soda?
- “In memory of…” cars. I’ve never understood the concept behind cars dedicated to a deceased loved one. Unless, perhaps, they died in that car? I didn’t have my camera on me in the car this week, so I found the closest version of what I saw for you. If you didn’t click on the link, just visualize pulling up at a light behind a beat-up pick-up with a decal on the back of it that reads, “In Loving Memory of Jim”…under a picture of an elk. AN ELK?! What about any of that makes Jim that much happier about the fact that he’s dead? Unless, perhaps, Jim was killed by the elk in the car? Then I can see how a sticker would be sufficient vindication for his death. (Forgive my sarcastic insensitivity, if you’re the driver of the green pick up you drive in honor of Jim.)
- How a nation that is nearly $16,000,000,000,000 (my finger got sore just typing all those zeros) in debt, and oblivious to the 300,000 American children that are victims of sex trafficking here within our own borders (not to mention the 12.2 million overseas), could choose to spend their time, resources, and vacation days fighting over whether or not people should eat a chicken sandwich.
- People who don’t like chocolate. (Yeah, that’s all I’ve got on that. You’re just weird.)
- My friend and I were minding our own business one day, enjoying this…
when all of a sudden she interrupts me mid-bite and yells, “look out the window!!” and all of a sudden I’m witness to a man laying in the street beside his car doing PUSH UPS while waiting for the chick who’s paying his meter. Push ups. In the middle of Wells Street. Downtown Chicago. What I would give to hear the story that went with that visual.
- The fact that Chili’s has a waiting list. People willing to wait in line to eat at Chili’s make me question…well…humanity.
- And as much as I shake my head in befuddlement on a regular basis, the thing that I am most befuddled by is what I ever did to deserve a life this great:
I owe the sweet old phone-lover my thanks for inducing a reflective afternoon and renewed appreciation for common sense and my cute kid (although someone should really warn her about that whole cancer thing).