My Fears

After pulling off this somewhat fearless Buffy the Vampire Slayer persona in my last post, I thought it would only be fair to show my more mortal…errrr…vulnerable side today.

I’ve been feeling somewhat insecure all day. The only toothpaste I remembered to use this morning was the glob I smeared on a big zit on the side of my nose, and then forgot about. (Yes, I’m thirteen years old.) I’m having the kind of hair day that even Instagram wouldn’t be able to redeem.

To make matters worse, I spent the afternoon catching up on some of my favorite blogs. Still being a fairly new blogger, I realize I may be breaking rules of blogging here, but in the spirit of my thirteen year old self, I’m going to throw myself out there until I’m told it wasn’t the best way to handle my insecurities.

Here are ten things that kind of freak me out about this whole blogging thing:

  1. I’ve never been laid off from a job, and that seems to be a mandate for successful blogging.
  2. What if I post something about my job and get laid off?
  3. What if I lose all my “real” friends and only have virtual friends, and then only ever have Skype dates to weddings?

    Meet my favorite wedding date, Jordan. (Um. Hello mimosas and muscles!)

    Meet my favorite real life wedding date, Jordan. (Um. Hello mimosas and muscles!)

  4. I used to think claiming the title “writer” was like being a part of some prestigious secret society. Then Fifty Shades of Grey topped New York Time’s best seller list.
  5. What if the narrating blogger voice in my head never goes away?
  6. What if my sister is the only person who ever finds me amusing?
  7. I’ve accepted the fact that this whole blogging thing may never provide a source of income for me, but will it ever provide a source of free chocolate or coffee?
  8. What if I am a successful blogger? Do you know the pressure that comes with that? (Not a rhetorical question. I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER! I’m guessing it’s a lot though.)
  9. I don’t have The Everywhereist’s gift of turning bad days into funny material. Seriously though. Could the bar be set any higher?
  10. I don’t ever want to forget that my most important job is raising my son, not updating my two followers on the new Japanese bakery I discovered this week. I’ve seen the results of kids that raise themselves, and it’s abhorrent at best.

    Who knew I would love this parenting gig as much as I do? (Look at that kid's face though...how could I not?)

    Who knew I would love this parenting gig as much as I do?

It’s true. I have insecurities. My insecurities are worth conquering though. I mean, what other job (I use the term loosely) lets me indulge in my obsession of going to new places and trying new things with some of my favorite people, and then gives me the opportunity to share it in public forums using words like:

suc·cu·lent [suhk-yuh-luhnt] adjective 1. full of juice; 2. rich in desirable qualities; 3. affording mental nourishment. (For the record, I CAN NOT wait for the day I actually use this word in a post.)

Fortunately, I decided long ago that the best way to handle my insecurities was to laugh them off. So when my barista asked about the toothpaste on my nose this afternoon, I wiped it off and asked at what age people finally outgrow acne. And on the days I can count the number of hits my blog has had on my fingers, I just say, “Thanks for making my blog your homepage, Mom! Otherwise I probably wouldn’t have had any hits today!”
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3 comments

  1. You, my dear, are a profilific blogger – by my (albeit dubious) count, you average a count right up there with the jobless. But, keep that job. Those Japanese bakeries are notoriously tight-fisted.

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